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Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Running With a Grammar Slinger

Runners and writers are a great bunch of people, but we have our quirks too. Runners like to sling a lot of things around: snot, spit, water bottles, you name it. Grammar slingers do the same, slinging commas, adverbs, and adjectives left and right like there's no tomorrow.

Running and Writing Quirks | grammar | tips for writers | running humor | funny blogs

I love thinking up analogies that link running and writing together. As I was out doing my 10-mile run, I realized that slinging snot is a lot like slinging grammar. It's altogether unsightly. The point being...

...aren't you embarrassed?

To be a snot-slinging runner, that is? Yes?

Well, perhaps it's even more embarrassing to be a grammar-slinging writer. And please, oh please, do not call the Grammar Police over here to "edit" this post.

Don't you know shorter sentences are simpler, and sometimes better? Not so short that they're choppy, though. Commas can be edited.

You can delete your own adjectives as you pick up your lone, empty water bottles from the side of the road. Use strong nouns. Drink Dasani.

And as far as adverbs go? Well, they're just plain ugly, like someone spitting a bubbly wad of white froth on the ground, or like a child picking their nose. Adverbs are a private lot. They like to be used sparingly, in the privacy of a tissue, please.

So are you going to run with a grammar slinger or write with a snot slinger? Anyone else the latter? If so, you can join me in my upcoming half-marathon in just a week and a half. And I promise to keep my snot in my nose, or take tissues along. Colder weather does have a tendency to make one's nose run a bit. There's no excuse for being a grammar slinger. Learn the craft. Get stronger. At least editing can always fix our foibles, just as a great massage can fix our aching muscles.

SO... are you a grammar slinger or a snot slinger? Share in the comments!

Keep on keepin' on...

7 comments:

  1. This post made my day!! What a visual! Thanks for a morning chuckle to start my day off. I'm not a writer but I'm a teacher/librarian so I'm guilty of visibly wincing at daily vocabulary.

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    1. Nice to meet you, Tammy. I love connecting with teachers and librarians. With children around all day long, we must wince as needed (and correct with love). I hope you visit again. I almost didn't write this blog post, so I'm glad to hear it made someone's day! Yea!!!

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  2. Pretty gross (and hilarious) post, but I got the point. I'm totally a comma slinger, but I keep tissues handy for anything else.

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  3. At first, I thought, you didn't like grammar; but then, I realized, you just didn't like "completely unnecessary" punctuation *sprinkled* all over an excessively long sentence- much like I have painfully accomplished here! whew.

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    1. Well, it's not really about what I don't like; it's more about the fact that bad grammar in general is just an ugly bad habit.

      "**",;-=+?! Hee, hee, hee...

      What a painful accomplishment you have pulled off!

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